How To Recover In Online Marketing When A Relationship Sucks The Life Out Of You

Warning: This post may seem offensive to some. I encourage you to proceed with extreme caution. This isn’t a typical post on IMGrind, but then again, I’ve been called fanatic, erratic, even maniacal at times and I was asked by a few members of our Private Forums to touch base on this topic. I’m going to start by telling you a very fucked up story. It’s my story. This happened to me, even the most “WTF” parts of it in January 2010.

Believe me, this shit wasn’t easy to get over. When I say it nearly killed me, I’m serious all the way up to the therapy, psychologist, 200MG of Zoloft a day, 25MG of Kolonopin, and the fucking IV’s stuck into my arms when I was admitted to the hospital for dehydration after not eating or drinking for 6 days.

I’m going to write this story in 3 segments.

  1. What I was, what I had become, how it led my significant other to do the things she did
  2. What exactly happened during “the fallout”
  3. How I recovered, how I re-built myself and got back to #winning in life

I hope this helps. I’ve told this story at a few of our live event seminars. There seems to be an eery silence right afterwards followed by handshakes, hugs and even a few tears passed among grown men. Obviously, something in the story hits home with a lot of affiliate marketers, so I hope you get something good from this because it’s very personal and once it’s online, it’s here forever. Good thing for me, I’ve got thick skin (covered by tattoos!).

Part 1 – How I Became The Biggest Piece Of Shit In The World

I’ll start at the beginning. The beginning of this shit-storm that is – January 2010.

I came online full-time in 2007. When I hit my first 5-figure day, I wanted 6-figures. When I hit $100,000K in a day, I wanted $200,000K. When I did that, I became obsessed with making more. Just for the record, the most revenue I’ve generated in one day is $322,363.00. That might be hard for some of you “haters” to swallow, so I’ll give something you can chew on –my d*ck. (And I mean that in the most Professional way :-) ) .

Working online has never come very hard for me. I possess certain gifts that I have yet to meet anyone else that has the same ones. The big one is a “photographic memory.” Anything I see, read, learn, I can replicate it over and over again. Basically, I’ve got a supercharged memory and I never forget anything. To explain it anymore would get a little weird. So if you can comprehend that once I see something, I can do it over and over again with ease, you’ll know what I’m talking about.

So I was money obsessed. Nothing else mattered. I was also:

  • Fat – tipping the scales at 287 lbs at my heaviest – disgusting
  • Hateful – I had horrible mood swings and would snap at the littlest things
  • Children – I had 3 children whom I neglected. Daddy “ALWAYS” had to work
  • Neglectful – I had a significant other, the mother of my kids whom I couldn’t stand – I used her for sex though
  • Liar – I would lie to my own family to get out of family events, “I don’t have time”

When I hit my first $1,000,000.00 I became EVEN WORSE. Then I had pushed myself to get to the $2,000,000.00 in one month mark. Crushed it. It was never enough.

Guys, you can only ignore your significant other for so long. No matter what you buy her. Believe me, I dumped millions on this woman. She set me up REALLY well. But, I had it coming. I deserved everything she done to me. At least, that’s how I look back on things. However, I don’t look back much anymore, I’m happier than I have ever been, but if it wasn’t for what’s about to come, I don’t know where I would be.

Pat 2. The Fallout

So in January 2010, Affiliate Summit West was happening. At the time, I was exhibiting for Convert2Media. Her and I had been having ups and downs. I didn’t realize how mean I really had been to her. I made her do everything around the house, watch the kids, have sex whenever I wanted it. Whatever I wanted, I got. Period.

The day before I left for Affiliate Summit, I bought her a new car (her second one in a year). Little did I know, she had been texting with a convicted felon, druggie, who was still married and couldn’t pay his own child support. The day I left for Affiliate Summit, she had him over at my house (yes where my kids sleep) and went through the drugs with him. She also fucked him, bent over the new car she had picked up that day.

In 3 days time that I was gone, she became someone else. Literally. Hooked on the drugs, she “fell in love” with him. I called her the day I was coming back. She let me have it. I was crushed, but didn’t know exactly what was going on. The next 5 days after returning home, I stayed in a hotel room in Topeka, KS. She even talked me into giving her $10,000.00 for being out of the house by the weekend. What a sucker, of course I went for it.

A couple of months went by. Her and him got raided by the cops. She took the fall for him on a marijuana charge and possession of paraphernalia. She also conned me into paying $7,000 a month in child support. Again guys, get a fucking lawyer, do not negotiate with people without legal counsel present.

Over the few months she was in a drug haze with this world winner, I was hit with things such as:

  • She was off birth control and going to have his child.
  • He already had children, his present wife was calling me and letting me know that my significant other was paying his child support
  • She was spending over $5,000 a mall trip to buy him new clothes
  • I was told countless times, he would be my children’s “New daddy”
  • I was also told countless times how much I was hated. I was fat. I would never be happy. I would never find anyone else like her.
  • My kids were being left days at a time while she was gone spending money. The child support money that is.
  • Since I was a gun collector, she decided to let him and his boys know, so in April 2010 my house was robbed by him and another guy
  • She split with this felon, and within 48 hours was with this guy’s friend. Whom by the way also robbed my house
  • Both of these ding dongs were raided by law enforcement and sent to prison. She is still with the second one

So anyway, those are just some of the things I got to experience.

At that time, Convert2Media was also suffering. I was in and out of therapy, my psychologist. I also underwent Anger Management and a Violence Intervention Program. I was seriously about to start killing people.

Part 3. How I Recovered

To say that Zoloft saved my life is an understatement. However, I’m still on an anti-psychotic dose of 200 mg a day. It’s really the first thing every morning for me. A routine.

During this time, my family intervened. They told me a lot of things, stuff they had been telling me for years but I had never listened. You see, she kept my family from me. Now I know why.

I started eating again. I started working out. In the 9 months that followed I complete the P90x program once and the Insanity program twice, losing 94 lbs altogether.

I was also working again. Convert2Media had never been doing better, but I had made a grave mistake.

Once we got to doing well again at Convert2Media, I knew I had to diversify. When you are partnered with people online, you never really know those people. I can tell you, in August of last year, I was disgusted with who I was working with. For many reasons. I was also resented for starting IMGrind. The funny part is that when you partner with people, they feel like they are entitled to everything you do.

Fuck that. Think for yourself. Do shit that makes you happy. If they can’t stand it, fuck them. Go at it yourself.

Money doesn’t make you happy. It’s a short term solution to a long term problem. You gotta watch out for #1, that’s you!

Don’t listen to people. People are fucking snakes. Especially the ones closest to you.

If you need help, break down and get it. It doesn’t make you less of a person. Believe me, you need more opinions. Had I not went to the doctor, there would have been a pool of dead bodies and I probably would have either went to prison, or took myself out. That’s how bad it got.

I felt like I needed her. Fuck that too. I can do my own laundry, I can cook and since that chick did that shit to me, I got more ass than a toilet seat. I even started coaching other men on the finer arts of attracting women. If you want the secret it’s this – Don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks, just do you. Be yourself, do what makes you happy.

Happiness builds confidence. Confidence is what you need in this business. I see way too many talented marketers saying shit like “I can’t create a landing page,” “I’ve tested FB Ads, POF and every other traffic source.”

Don’t do it for the money. Do it because you love it. Because it makes you happy. The money will come. The more you enjoy this business, the easier it gets. That’s all I feel like saying for now.


  1. says

    What you went through just goes to prove that it is how you respond and adapt to a situation that defines you, not the situation itself. Now you are one of the most respected people in the industry and I think your honesty plays a big part in that. Respect Ruck!

  2. Edgar says

    Deep stuff man. Much respect to you Ruck.

    Some of us just don’t realize how good we have it sometimes, until we read about worst stuff happening to other people. All the best man!

  3. Bill Bradow says

    "Fuck that too. I can do my own laundry,"
    ^^^ Great quote if you ask me. Don't be sexist Ruck…bitches don't like that…

  4. says

    Great account of the valleys and peaks in Ruck's life. As a close, personal friend – I have never known a human who has exhibited BEAST MODE more than Mr. Ruckman. Tasks or obstacles be DAMNED! Alot of education can be gleaned from this post. It's real. It's true. It's life….

  5. Kiley Lenstrom says

    I've told you this at least a half dozen times now, and will likely tell you another half dozen after this time; It is beyond my comprehension how you are still alive. Keep pushin'!

  6. says

    Thank you for sharing this, I've also had a similar experience. I credit my family and kids for helping me to focus on the right stuff. Also you never realize how stress, tired or sick you are until you actually stop for a few weeks. Then it become much easier to see what you've become.

    It took a lot of guts to share you story but it will only serve to help others from walking down the same path. Your post was greatly appreciated. Thanks!

  7. Shola aka luv2learn says

    Epic post Ruck. But don't be dissuaded by shady women. Good girls are out there! You also have a daughter (from what I know of your pics). Raise her to be the kind of woman you want in your life. Also, I tell my male friends all the time -get a woman you trust to meet any chick you might be falling for. It will save you more heartache than anything! And notice I said "woman you can trust". I applaud your commitment to helping people and am utterly impressed by your personal evolution. All the best…

  8. cjd says

    I am very proud of you for putting this out there. It's hard to open up about the dark parts of our lives. I've seen you at your very worst and I'm glad you were able to pull thru (without murdering someone!), the pain and torment you experienced in that short amount of time is more than most will experience in a lifetime. Whether you have 5 million dollars or just a dime to your name, at least you know that you have people that will stand by you through thick and then and love you no matter what… and really, that is all that matters at the end of the day!

  9. seonmwando says

    ive been whinning about how i had a tough 2011.. but JESUS – looks like your 2010 was my 2011 by a factor of *4000 Phew..

    More power to you brother and keep on #winning

  10. says

    Awesome post! This is motivating for me, because I am really stuck at the moment and I want to transform and change my life. The only difference is that I had never had big success with my affiliate marketing before.

    Since I discovered this site through a post of Luke from peerfly I started to read every useful post on this blog I can find. Great resource!

    My recent post Get rid of the depression

  11. Tracy says

    Hi Ruck,

    I really admire you for having the courage to lay this all out here. As you say, the internet is forever. I've gone through my own dark times, and am honestly still working my way out, though my troubles are different than yours here. I've always known it inside that people do come out of the worst part of their lives to the best, but it is comforting nonetheless to read what you wrote here. You are so right: do you, and do what makes you happy. ((hugs)) Thanks again for the post. I love the rest of the blog too. I'll be back, as Arnie would say. LOL :)


  12. Laori says

    Ruck this is a powerful story-life,the ability to transform ourselves transform the big pain and to build our way from ashes again continueing to grow and give to others.A person doesnt get life lessons unless he can go through them,shedding all the false layers,you suffered alot, all of you.I read the posts and feeling how much you are giving and I value you alot beacause of it and what you have been through.thank you ,love&light

  13. says

    Wow. I got divorced from my lying, cheating wife last June. She took me financially and emotionally, and still wont allow me to regularly see my 12 year old son. He hates me too. That would be her lovely influence.

    Its New Years Eve, I am sitting in my dreary apartment, that I share with a weird roomate, my wife lives in the home that I bought. She is in Portugal this evening, with her new and fantastic boyfriend, off seeing the romantic old world.

    This evening I was really feeling sorry for myself. After reading your story, I feel hopeful.

    BTW, I would be dead if it were not for a daily 20mg dose of Paxil. Cannot believe I just told everyone that. But yes, I am depressed and weak, and vulnerable after 15 years of marriage.

    • says

      Hey Emmett,

      I’m sorry to hear that. I feel you, as you’ve previously read I’ve been there. I can tell you that I’m fully off all SSRI’s now and I attribute that to how deficient I was in vitamins. My vitamin A,D, most of my B Vitamins, Selenium and magnesium levels were ALL crap. Once I cleaned up the diet and added in liver pill supplementation, I don’t remember ever feeling as good in my life, as I have over the last few months.

      When we get depressed, it causes immense strain on the brain and our bodies…More than actual science even knows! I know the up and down moods, the agitation, the loneliness…I’ve gotten to the point of feeling WORTHLESS and HOPELESS at the same time. Let me just say, when those two thoughts gang up on us, that’s a very tough battle to win. Even when we do, we may not fully know or understand just how much damage we’ve taken emotionally and physically…so the safest bet is to re-evaluate your diet and get your levels checked.

      It might seem like “oh that’s just too simple too do Ruck” but that’s because when we’re at low points, we literally FEAR everything. Our guard is up at it’s highest. Our sensory perceptions won’t ALLOW anything that changes us. It’s all very weird and that could just be me. But I would definitely get your vitamins and diet aligned, bringing in stretching, calisthenics, heavy lifting and good ole cold showers.

      Be well brother. Reach out if you need to. My cellphone is 620.803.2215

  14. says

    This is my favorite post of yours (so far). I’ve been reading through your archives and your stuff is awesome. Gut-wrenching honesty and kick-ass motivation! Keep writing and I’ll be sure to keep reading.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *