How I Overcame Money Obsession And Bounced Back On Top

Warning: This post is pretty fucking ugly. Matter of fact, it may seem down right offensive to overly-sensitive pussies and egotistical dipshits, but hey, I’ve got some pretty thick skin (covered by tattoos) and I’ve always been known to be a “loose cannon” at times. However, after our last live event in New York City, I briefly touched on this point in the after-hours networking and was asked to share it to the forum. Well, either I got balls the size of coconuts or I truly don’t give shit about anyone’s opinion, here comes forth a tale that not only has knocked me down more than once, it’s also been the downfall of many others in our Online Marketing Industry.

Many have suffered this fatal flaw in their Entreprenurial years and no matter what you will read below, many more will also either endure it or have it knock them out of business for good. Here’s my very own personal story. Take it how you want it. Hate me or love me, if I help just one person avoid this windmill of shit I brought onto myself, then I consider this post – mission accomplished.

As I’ve said before, I am not big on opinions. Everyone has one. I just sincerely, really do not give a fuck about many of them. Most people talk out their ass and the ones that don’t are them insecure pussies who can’t own up to anything publicly. Since I’ve been both, it’s very easy for me to express what I’m about to say. Since I am neither now, it just makes it that much easier.

The Beginning

It doesn’t matter who you are, everyone wants to experience more of life’s material fantasies and pleasures. If you say you don’t, re-read the paragraph above. Then sit down and be open-minded. Don’t worry it doesn’t show weakness to admit we all have urges to achieve extreme wealth. There’s evidence of it around the world. Why do you read this blog? Why are you a part of our private forums? Why are you an affiliate of Revived Media? Why are you using our mobile tracker at iMobiTrax?

TO MAKE MORE MOTHERFUCKING MOOOONEEEEYYYY. No, despite what you tell yourself, you either got into this business or will get into this business to make more money. Period.

There’s nothing wrong with this. The important part here is to not become a “slave to money.”

I did. It was fucking terrible. Nearly killed me. Literally. Worst fucking imprisonment I’ve ever experienced. I’ve experienced a few imprisonments in my life. Addiction (to more than just one drug). Jail – more than once also. Being controlled – see this post to get refreshed.

You know what the worst part about this insane craving for money that is literally a “global epidemic?” – It actually results in MILLIONS of people living a miserable life. Far from success. Sad.

As people we lust. We covet. We envy. We get jealous. We get egotistical. We want better cars ( I owned 6 vehicles in 2010), bigger houses (owned 3 houses at one time), more toys (motorcycle, over 150 firearms in my collection, 4-wheeler, boats), fancier clothes – In early 2011 I gave over $40,000.00 in clothes away between friends and charities. I was completely fucking pathetic.

Endless advertising that promotes a better life. Not only did I become the advertiser. I became the “advertised” at the same time.

Media has changed the way people in the world think. It’s not just here in the US. I’ve traveled all over. Met thousands of people with similar stories. This shit is like a plague. A disease that cannot be cured without damn near experiencing a miracle.

I use to wake up every morning with one goal in mind – To make more money than I did yesterday. When you’re banging out $XXX,XXX.XX a day, that shit takes over your life. Quick.

That was in the beginning. I sometimes reflect and would like to say – I wish I knew then what I know now. Then again, I wouldn’t be fucking killing it like I am today if it were any different. If seeking riches actually led to happiness, this would all be fine. The fact is – it don’t. Years of research and horror stories tell us that focusing on acquiring materialistic things eventually leads us to become even more unhappy as life goes along.

We will come back to that last sentence. It’s really fucking important.

Money Can Fuck You Up

How many times have you heard – “Money doesn’t buy happiness?” Seriously, if they could wipe that statement from the face of the earth we would all be better off. Why? It’s simple.

It doesn’t matter what you, I or anyone else tells people. At the end of the day, people will make their own decisions. With that said, how many people ACTUALLY believe that statement. If you said I do and you TRULY do, trust when I say – I HIGHLY RESPECT YOU. That’s because I know you’ve been through “some really bad shit.” Those of you who said “I Do” but actually don’t – start off by being truly honest with yourself and second if you can’t do that – please go jump off a bridge. You’re life is dead anyway. You just don’t fucking realize it yet.

To be completely open and honest here, we all think about money. More than once a day. More than twice a day. For most people – it’s multiple times a day. You could be thinking about how to make money, how to save money, how to make MORE money, or even how to avoid losing your money. I get that. There are a ton of people across the globe under extreme stress and pressure to pay bills, feed their families and make ends meet. A certain level of thought and focus towards money is completely necessary to live. It’s the part when you start centering and focusing your life on accumulating money that becomes a mistake.

I’ve got a creepy scenario for you. Let’s play the – “If I had this ….much money game” real quick. Have you ever told yourself that if you had a million dollars, 5 million dollars, 10 million dollars that it would be enough for the rest of your life? Your bills would be paid off. Kids college would be paid for. You could help your family out. Everything would be alright?

Ahh, that’s quite a nice thought but simply untrue. My own desire for wealth couldn’t be stopped. It couldn’t even be slowed down. Once I hit a figure mark, that only added kerosene to the fire. Each and every fucking day, I wanted more. More, more more.

The problem was that I had to constantly adjust my life to whatever amount of money I had gotten to. See what I mean about prison? I couldn’t fucking get out.

Now, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. I’ve faced addictions (this being one of them) but also to alcohol and drugs. There’s something I’ve realized over the years though that is REALLY fucked up. A money addiction is actually accepted by society. Yes, it absolutely is. Do you see people accepting alcohol and drug addictions? How fucked up is that?

Materialistic Addictions And Other Addictions

Another fucking addiction I’ve had to deal with – video games. Halo 2 claimed about 2 years of my life. EVERY night. During the day though, it was the 4-wheeler, the motorcycle, the guns, the big jacked Hummer in the mud or one of my two Dodge Challengers that I would take joyrides in. Fucking hours at a time. To different states even, for no reason really. Because I could I guess.

You don’t burn a lot of calories eating out all the time while you’re driving around. You gain weight quick eating pizzas and burgers every night while on a 10 hour xbox stint.

I distinctly remember walking out of my house to one of my rides and being out of breath when I sat in the drivers seat. Really pathetic shit I tell you.

Materialism is like a disease. It won’t just make you miserable and unhappy. It will literally make you sick too. I’ve got the depression meds to prove it. Along with the therapy and psychologist trips as well. (Fuck, those cost alot of money too ha).

While going through this toy phase of mine, I remember being really tired all the time. Fatigued from just mowing the lawn. Hell, I would be out of breath walking 3 blocks to the post office. When you have a shitload of toys, they take up a lot of your time. Time passes by and you don’t even know it. You also tend to shut the world out too. You stop being social. Shit, I became a hermit, literally.

Depression will creep up on you quick. All that mental anxiety and stress to keep going, keep pushing everyday eventually wears your ass out. Not to mention your heart, lungs and other organs.

The problem I experienced can quickly be summed up like this:

The more money I made, the more I wanted to make. The more I wanted to make, the more I worked to make it. The more toys I bought, the more time it took to play with them. Eventually this circle-jerk wore me down emotionally and physically to the point of anxiety, depression, high cholesterol, being a fat-ass, and just completely out of control snorting cocaine and swallowing pills.

What I know now is this – my journey to achieve retarded amounts of money was because of neediness. I’m strong enough now to admit it but that took about a year of denial to fully comprehend and learn to deal with. For some reason, during this period I felt that I was “never good enough” so I had to make more. I had to own more. Not only in my own mind, but also implant that shit into the thoughts of people around me as well. Fucking pathetic.

The #1 Reason I Became Obsessed With Money

If you’re still reading and haven’t been disgusted to the point of closing out this blog post, I almost have to commend you. However, it’s not over yet. You make it through this next part and you’re a real fucking trooper.

Despite all that shit above…

The biggest reason I became obsessed with money was that “I SIMPLY DIDN’T LOVE MYSELF.” Might sound weak right? Only if you’re not strong enough to admit it to yourself.

Having the feeling of low self-worth or no worth at all is fucking devastating. I thought the more money I made, the better I would feel. Afterall, money pays for everything right? Wrong.

At this time I was feeling worthless (felt worthless or WAS worthless, form you’re own opinion), I thought that by making a shitload of money, I was conquering the world. I thought if I became rich, I would be remarkable basically. When I hit certain money amounts, I would feel short periods of this. I would actually feel good. At least, that’s what I thought. The real problem was that I had linked myself to better feelings with materialistic things. If you’re not careful, this can literally happen without you realizing it. Some people never recover from this and end up spending their lives in a constant state of neediness. Typically this ends in mental and physical exhaustion. I’ve actually lost 2 Online Entrepreneurs that I knew personally to suicide because of this.

The Turning Point

Now obviously, the shit began to hit the fan. I ran off anyone that ever loved me. All of the fucking leeches in my life quit trying to suck me off because I simply wasn’t available to the outside world anymore and I had become a pretty ugly fucking beast.

The first thing I noticed after hitting rock bottom with those IV’s stuck in my fucking arms at the hospital and the proceeding therapy and depression medication was that I actually never thanked anyone who had helped me make that money.

What a real selfish son of a bitch.

Making all that money wasn’t just me. I had help of course. People, partners, affiliates, advertisers and others that help me reach every stage and achievement. I’m telling you right now, the VERY day I started thanking people for helping me become successful, was like a weight had been lifted. Listen when I say this – Give Gratitude. Give it daily. Think about all the good stuff in your world that’s happening. It’s damn near impossible to be depressed when you’re grateful. Dark moods lift fast with enlightening thoughts. I promise you.

Back On Top Like A Champion

The last couple of years has been like a whirlwind of great things. Let’s see here:

  • We created the IMGrind Blog and Forums
  • We created our own Live Event Seminar Business
  • We created our own eCommerce branch of selling live event DVD’s
  • We wrote the Facebook Ads Guide, Mobi Manifesto, Lead Generation Guidebook
  • We created Revived Media
  • We created iMobiTrax
  • We created MobGrind

That’s only the shit I feel like listing. We’ve had countless other products and awesome affiliate campaigns over the last two years. Those are spread around the blogs and forum so check them out.

I attribute that part to helping other people. If it’s one thing I know in this business it’s this – The more people you help, the more successful you will be. Why do you think so many hermit affiliates sit behind computers all alone and are always giving up? Why are we consistently successful in everything we put our minds to?

It’s because we help others and that Karma comes back 10-fold. Most people want something for nothing. Lazy fucking creatures I tell you. I know and understand this so the more I surgically and methodically break that down and apply ourselves to solving problems and providing solutions – the more successful we become.

I now look at life through a different set of glasses. A pair that doesn’t have cocaine dust or pill powder clouding them. (That shit is hard to see through). It really isn’t about what happens in your life that make you happy or sad long term, it’s how you react to what happens. When you’re all fucked up on altering substances, it’s a little hard to control those reactions or think clearly. By controlling what and how you think, you can DRAMATICALLY increase your mood and attitude.

No matter what anyone tells you. Even addicts. I speak from experience here. You are always in control of what you allow your mind to focus on. If you piss and moan about the negative shit in your life (and we all have some) then you’re going to feel like shit and most likely not get a whole lot of productivity done. Condition your mind to always look for the good in ANY situation and you will always feel AT LEAST a little bit better.

Dont get stuck. Take action. This is tough. I see it everyday. On our blogs, on my social networks and even in our private forums, at Revived Media and iMobiTrax. Remember when I said, no matter what I tell people at the end of the day they are still going to make their own decisions? I can sit here and preach TAKE ACTION every fucking day but 99% still won’t do it. That really blows, but then again let’s face it – A lot of us would be out of business if people actually did take action.

Whenever you feel like you are not making progress, no matter what it is, you are not in control of your life and the darkside will soon creep up on you. The solution is so simple – TAKE ACTION. As people though, we tend to over-think and over-analyze. That’s why I believe there are so many fucking lazy assholes in the world. I used to be one of them. To be told to take action just seems too fucking easy and we’ve been taught – if it seems to good to be true, it probably is. Unfortunately, in this business it really is that easy. People just won’t fucking do it.

Taking action has an awesome effect on you. Taking action often improves almost any situation for you and progress makes you feel amazing. Also, when you take action, you gain control and like I said before, when you have that feeling that you are in control of your life, it’s very uplifting.

Or you can take the alternative route which is what most people do – Helplessness – and that shit is fucking depressing.

So yes, there’s more ugliness to this story but I think you get the gist of it right?

Honestly, it won’t matter for about 99% of the people who read this post. You know why? It’s because the lure of cash (motherfucking money) will have a stronger temptation over you than what you’ve just read. Unfortunately, this is pretty fucking sad, but oh so true. Afterall, we are just people.

There’s nothing wrong with chasing the money, just don’t become a slave to it. Don’t worship that shit. It’s not a religion.

True wealth is happiness. Period. I’m so grateful I’ve learned that now. Even though I had to go through some personal hell to realize it. It was worth it. I’m better than ever emotionally, physically and across all of our businesses. Every business Ryan and I create becomes successful very quickly and I don’t think they would have with out experiencing my evil money obsession.

Pay It Forward Thanks!

Comments

  1. says

    These posts have hit closer to home than I ever imagined. It’s also interesting to see the other side of your life. All I’ve ever really been exposed to is the successes but not what you struggled through to get there. I just wanted to say thanks for posting things like this Ruck.

    • Imgrind says

      Well it isn't pretty and I agree with you John. A lot of members and live event attendees seem to get something useful from my failures and fuckups so if just one person can relate and it helps, I got no problem posting it.

  2. says

    great post!

    First of all please forgive me for a longer comment.

    At the moment I am experiencing a depression maybe because I have no earning today from my peerfly campaigns. Although I only earn an average of $1.60 a day from free traffic. Also, my current facebook campaign is failing also, I have never experienced any conversion from facebook, not even once! Good thing that I have a regular Monthly income from my client this helps me with the bills.

    Really before reading this article, My mind setting was that, my sad feelings now will only be cured if I'll earn more – but I was wrong! From now on, I will make it sure that I am geared toward earning more money and make it sure that on the process I'll be the one controlling it and not the other way around.

    Thank you so much for this very priceless post sir! Hopefully I'll reach the big earnings that you have experienced and is currently experiencing – I really sincerely do!

    Hopefully by next year, with the right budget, I'll join in your private forum to help me and guide me and make my dreams into reality with ease, fast, and orderly manner.

    More power to IMGrind! :)
    My recent post Canon 650D / T4i Hands-on Review

  3. Ori says

    "The biggest reason I became obsessed with money was that “I SIMPLY DIDN’T LOVE MYSELF.”
    I hate to admit it, as it's a painful truth, but can't deny it. This post is a slap in the face in a sense.
    Thank you , takes guts to share this

  4. says

    I dont know about loving yourself. I think for me it was more like I didnt have it and now I can get it. I went through this phase in 2009-2010. even thinking I was better than everyone, yelling at bouncers at clubs. it was crazy 2 years. then realized damn thats not me. and like you said you are in control and I totally agree on that.

  5. Shaun says

    epic post Ruck. I wish more people would realize that they are human beings in this industry instead of swagger autobots.

  6. says

    Great post, I can relate on some points. I am always on my IMGrind and don't take enough time out of my busy life to exercise. Hitting the gym tomorrow!

    Thanks homie, keep it real!

  7. Graham Nichols says

    Sharing the pain helps to release it. It help us also to remember that the 'dash for cash' can be a grave digger too. Self-destructuve behavior makes us difficult to live with. We hurt those we love the most.

    Knowing there is a downside allows us to reach towards the light. Helping others along our path helps us too.

    There is no greater buzz than knowing you just did a good thing. Be good to yourself, and others, and good things will come your way.

  8. Gio says

    So much of this definitely hits close to home. I've seen my health deteriorate from just being so damn focused and grinding deep into the following day foregoing proper sleep and exercise so I can see more and more conversions. I'd get so bent if I didn't have an x amount day, even being at a nice dinner was time wasted to me and I wasn't in the now, I wasn't zen. My relationships started to fall off because I simply didn't care any more.
    Then something happens and you realize that and boom, that quote comes in; "Give Gratitude. Give it daily. Think about all the good stuff in your world that’s happening. It’s damn near impossible to be depressed when you’re grateful. Dark moods lift fast with enlightening thoughts. – I completely and wholeheartedly agree, it's universal law.

  9. Tracy says

    Thanks for another post I found highly motivational. I love your honesty as well. I could say so much, but just know that I am a fan now :)

    Tracy

  10. says

    After making Millions from rebill offers back in 2008-2010 I thought I had it all. I was 23 years old at the time and featured on Million Dollar Listings season 4 premiere, high times magazine twice, Fox News, Telemundo and more. I had a 10ksqft mansion in Malibu, 2 ferraris, a maserati and a range rover. I really thought I wanted all of it until I had it and realized I STILL WASNT HAPPY. As you said making 6 figures daily or weekly changes your life pretty quick. Long story short it all came tumbling down when Visa changed cross-sell regulations and I had to adjust to a completely different lifestyle. It was devastating for about a year to be real honest. Depression set in terribly. No one around me really understands and only in this past year have I realized exactly what you realized. Money is not the end all be all. Also being selfish, even unknowningly may help you in the short run, but in the long run being thankful and giving gratitude where its due is much more rewarding. Now I find myself addicted to innovation and trying to make the industry a better place and just provide for my family. The rest is just a bonus :) Thanks for this great post it hit extremely close to home

    • Imgrind says

      Tim – I gotta come back and comment on this post again and truly tell you how appreciative I am for you being open with your comment. After reading it 5 times now, I slowed down and took in every word you said because it unfolded an enormous story for me. What you just said in that paragraph has sooo much in it that I think a lot of people will overlook until they experience it. That's the first comment on IMGrind in 17 months that I replied too, stuck in my mind and made me come back to re-read it and even take a screenshot of it. A lot of marketers fear saying that stuff out loud but I am EXTREMELY appreciative you took the time to write that out to us. – NOW A FAN – Ruck

  11. says

    Wow, what an inspiring story! I came to this site because I'm trying to learn to make some extra money. Can't tell you how many sites I've been on where it seems like the people running it aren't real in the least. Thanks so much for sharing your struggles. How inspirational for everyone. I'm a middle aged mom with 5 kids and a ver sick husband, a new internet marketer who has earned about $9 online so far (lmao) and works a crappy job at – yes, a gas station! lol. My hat goes off to you for helping all of us with your story. Thank you!

  12. David says

    I am going to be the devils advocate here and say I really didnt get or enjoy this post. To me you are crying about how you made so much money that you are the one who couldnt control your own life.

    I understand the concept of being sucked into the game about wanting to make more money, but when you live wanting to just pay rent it is a different story. So while your doing your halo stints or riding around in you $60,000 hummer, there are people who there who ride the bus to work to make $7 hr trying to feed their family and keep them warm in the winter.

    Again, hate to just say it, but this post was really non-sense. Its like "O man, I have to much money and now I eat hamburgers every night" when there are people who dont eat anything because they dont have the money.

    • Imgrind says

      To me you are crying about how you made so much money that you are the one who couldnt control your own life. – That was the point of the post, I don't know how you didn't "get it", you said the point yourself in the comment. As far as "enjoying" the post, people are more likely to comment on a blog post when something upsets them versus being sad. It's a fact. Someone got sucked in WAYYYYYY to easy on that one…

    • ThatGuyJohn says

      David,
      I've been in and around loops where Ruck has been involved online since late 2006. I don't really think you've got a clue as to what he has or hasn't been through nor do you "get" his reasons for sharing his experiences.
      You honestly think he has always been this successful?

  13. pete nicho says

    I first came across ruck some years back when we were both in the old blackhat forums and everyone was buzzing and trying to get ahead to make some money, ruck has always been the same person and he is not being really truthful or has a bad memory because he has always lived and said it as it is, his memory is short when he forgets the many times his posts even in the old days helped other people make money or his posts managed to get rid of the fog in their minds and put paid to the false people out there.
    He also forgets the times that he shared with us, the stories , the pictures especially at the beginning when he shared his office in the bedroom with his kids, he forgets the time when he took on the work from home survey rip off companies and created a survey work at home company that actually helped people pay their bills.
    I could go on and reveal plenty more but l know that ruck is a private person even though he comes across as the opposite and yes he is right when he says it better to help someone, so l will take his advice in this post and thank him from all the people he did help including me, although we may be the successes that he never found out about but knows about now….don't change ruck..just walk your own path as always. regards Nicho

  14. Chetan says

    Personally, one of the most thought provoking posts of all time! Thank you for the enlightenment.

  15. says

    Thanks for sharing your insights Ruck. I can’t even begin to imagine the hell you’ve gone through. If only 10% of your readers take to heart 10% of what you shared, the world will be a better place. I know, that contradicts what you said about 99% of those who will read it.
    I have gone through the self-loathing phase and I can vouch for what you’ve said – nothing, including money, substances, partying, cars, properties or parting will make you feel better about yourself. I guess sometimes change must come from within.
    Personally I’ve found that the only things that made me truly happy were overcoming significant challenges, like being overweight and in pain, addicted to television, and simply being stuck in a “have passive fun” state. Working on improving my physical and mental self through meditation, nutrition and exercise have changed *everything*, and I wouldn’t go back to where I was for any amount of money.
    Thank you for sharing your story Ruck… definitely one of the most inspiring posts I’ve read in a while.
    Thanks and have a fantastic day,
    Tudor

  16. says

    EPIC post.

    “The more people you help, the more successful you will be.”

    I’ve been thinking along those lines recently, rather than thinking in terms of traffic and ROI.

    So glad I found this post. It’s like you’ve given me permissiob to do it follow my passion of helping people, and let the money take care if itself.

    Thanks for your honesty Ruck, and well done on finding and living up to your values.

  17. Ni_Tram says

    As Bill Gates once said when asked about wealth: “After a million, it’s the same hamburger”

    You are right, happiness is true wealth – but people always do things for their own reasons. I play with currency to make extra income on the side, monetary wealth is not my goal – Creating art is what gives me happiness. As long as I can make things, I’m happy.

    The trick is to always remember that we can die any second… and our motivation for choosing to remain alive in the first place – Where are you going? Where are you from? Why are you here? -
    I think that these questions are what drives us at a core level.

    When I first started playing with currency, I did get a little obsessed, I’ll admit – we live in a world that requires money. There’s no alternative. But the “why” is what drives the desire to get money. And my “why” are my family and my art. After realising this, my bizarre obsession with numbers for numbers sake started to fade.

    Money is essentially a proxy for things that hold value in the eye of the beholder.
    The question is – what holds value to /you/?

    I believe that through helplessness; we find our desire to take action to find happiness.
    Of course, whether those actions work out or not is another story ;)

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